I'm sitting out on the porch this morning scrolling Instagram and I read this heading "Lousiana Pastor Shoots Wife in Front of Their Kids Before Turning Gun on Himself". My immediate reaction was wow, because there were so many different things that were wrong with that statement. I felt sorry that the kids had to witness that and I assumed that he and his wife were both deceased but they did survive, thankfully. I was upset because these broken people keep getting in these pulpits leading others astray. I was on an emotional pendulum. 

What floored me more than the article where the comments justifying his actions. They had theories from him being depressed to him probably finding out that the kids weren't his. The part that bothered me was the people saying that he shouldn't be arrested but instead, he needs help. I do agree that he needs help but I disagree with the notion that there should not be punishment. I don't think saying that I'm depressed gives me the right to start harming people. 

We have officially found ourselves in a place where people greatly believe that everything is acceptable and we should not have consequences. We are in the habit now of rewarding people for bad behavior and wondering why the world, specifically the US is a train wreck. 

We volunteered for VBS at our new church and I can't say that it is something that I will be doing again. Even in the church, instead of teaching children proper behavior, we are reinforcing the idea that having a meltdown means that we will give you a gift to pacify you. Later, we wonder why these entitled kids become entitled adults that shoot up everyone in a building because they heard no for the first time.  

I don't have an answer to save the world instantly but I do know that we need to bring back rules and boundaries. We can't blame mental health for everything, some of it just boils down to the fact that we have failed as parents and as a society. 

     I started a blog post on March 23rd with the same title "A Season of Change". However, looking back the only change at that time was the temperature. Now on October 28, 2022, there is truly a season of change. For the last six years, I've tried to have a relationship with my parents but that all came to a bitter end in the last two weeks. My life was so much better in the years when they weren't in it. 

    My mother and I have never really seen eye to eye. She is a bully and I've never been one to cower.  Everyone has danced to the beat of her drum but when I opted out to be one of her minions that is when the problem started. 

    Money management has never been something that was taught in our household. I didn't get to save a lot because you could rest assured when I was under her roof every time she knew it was a payday she needed money for something. The turning point was when I moved out and she still expected me to pay for my house and hers. Finally, I got to the point where I told her that I was not her husband and that I would not take care of her my entire life. This was the end of any normal mother-and-daughter relationship that we would ever have.

    In the beginning, my dad was guilty because he never stood up to her. His line was that he didn't have anything to do with it. However, I gave him multiple passes and for a while, I thought that literally, his only failure was not standing up to her. As time passed, I realized that he was the same person. His family would always blame my mother and would assert two things: (1)he loved me and (2) my mother had a root on him. Both of which were lies. He was simply better at hiding it. 

    Fast forward to the present day, in the last two weeks, I've been blamed for so much that I can't even laugh about it. I've been blamed for my mother getting put out of the hospital which was the patient's wish. I was blamed for an altercation at a funeral home where I wasn't even present and I've been blamed for helping the mother of a child that my dad had while married find him so that she could pursue child support. In the beginning,  it pissed me off because I'm tired of being the scapegoat but after thinking, it was just a reminder that there is no reason for them to be in life.

     Ten years from now, they will still be looking for the next way to scam someone out of money and blaming the world for all of their troubles. When they or no longer here or if I leave first, there is no need to list me in their obituaries or them in mine. My dad said it best last Monday, when people can't get along it's best that they part ways. I'm fine with that, I'm fine with the lies that they will spread but most of all I'm fine with the peace and the life that I have. 

Signed,

A Self Emancipated Daughter 

     I went into 2021 with blind optimism. Something within me thought that at the stroke of midnight on December 31, 2020 that all the issues, diseases, and aggravations of the year would dissipate. Boy, was I wrong on so many levels. By July, I was losing faith in people and the thought that life as I knew it would be over.  I wanted to live freely again.  Therefore, the sinking feeling that I felt a few weeks ago seemed well deserved. Nothing in 2020 had shown me that I should expect anything otherwise.

    However, I woke up on Sunday with a feeling of hope. Not the same blind optimism of last year but a feeling that things would be better this year. We like to think that chapters end at the stroke of midnight but the seasons of my life don't correspond with a magic date on a calendar. There is nothing that will instantly erase the hell that we have endured for the last 2 years. 

    I could take negatively the fact that we have had 8 earthquakes since last Monday, the fact that we had to cancel Christmas due to Covid or the fact that Betty White died. 2021 took going out with a bang seriously.  However, I choose to believe that better is on the horizon. The winds blew really hard today, and with that wind blew my doubts, fears, and anxieties. 

    I now see this year as a year of growth and endless possibilities. I'm not going to make the usual resolution that I am going to lose weight, live life, or travel. I've accepted that the belly is going to be there, I've always lived, and if anything, I'm cutting down on the travel this year. I only made one resolution and that is free is no longer in my vocabulary and forgive me if I'm not as available as I've always been. I've given so many people so much and it's time that I invest some of that in me. I love you guys and I wish you the happiest of New Year's. 

  There is someone special to me that will be one year from 40 tomorrow and on top of that she is about to be a Grandma in a few months. I mean it's safe to say at this point that crap just got real. You not only have the responsibility of your kids but the responsibility of their kids. You blinked and now you have to buy more presents, go to events, buy extra cars, food and the list goes on. There is no denying that you are a REAL LIFE ADULT at this point. I mean when you just have your kids, you can still pretend that you are young but when you are a Grandma, that hits totally different. You can't party like you use too, you have to block the grandkids from your social media accounts, hide the alcohol, etc. You are to determine if you are going to tell your grandkids that your boyfriends are their uncles and how do you explain, if you decide to fire some of those uncles. What if they were really attached to Uncle Eddie? 

 I also hope that you dont become one of those overbearing grandparents that don't let their kids be great. I really would hate to stage an intervention but I will do what I have to do. That is my solemn promise. Anywho, I said all of this to say Happy Birthday!! (Dont block me ok!) :-) 

As I type this there are a million and one things that I should be doing instead of this. For reasons unknown, I didn't realize that Christmas was this week until yesterday. So I have been doing a mad dash to get at least a few things under the tree for the family. I literally had one solo gift under the tree until last night. One little gift. To make matters worse, it was something that someone sent me, not even something that I bought. 

I don't even know why I'm so slack this year. I started off with a bang! I put up 5 trees and started putting up my lights outside and halfway through, I lost momentum.  No room is completely finished. The stockings were hung but not by the chimney with care. (Twas the Night before Christmas reference there if you missed it). My wreaths aren't up and I didn't get the lights put around the roof. 

IF anyone gets me a gift this year, I'm just going to remind them of a year when I bought everyone something and didn't get a thing in return. I can recall some years spending over 4K on gifts. Trust me that is dumb on so many levels for me anyway. If you feel the need to waste that type of money, oops I mean to spend that type of money, by all means, do you boo boo. As for me and my house, we are going to live like we know what is important. 

I went to dollar tree and got Nina a bunch of stuff that she is just going to tear up and lose anyway. The best thing is that I"m not going to sweat it at all because it wasn't a large investment. This little girl gets stuff that holds her attention for one day and then she moves on.  Maybe it will change when she gets older but for right now that is one attribute that she received from her mother. 

Lyssa can get all of the name brands because I will make them. I sure will. I'll pull out the press and some vinyl and create some wizardry in these parts. At the end of the day, you will not know the difference and if you do, it means you are too close to my baby. Back up off her before you have more issues, I'm just saying. 

Anywho, I hope you have a Merry Christmas. Be safe and be careful. Don't let this Christmas be your last. Love you. 30-Lo  Out!! (Drops mic)