Sometimes it’s hard for me to find a good urban romance because the balance can be tricky. Some are so hood that I feel like I need to duck while reading, and others pile on so much struggle that I end up depressed instead of entertained. I need a nice mix: real-life challenges, a solid plot, and romance that feels believable without making me roll my eyes.

This book by Karalynne K hit the mark for me.

Syxe had her issues, but I appreciated that the author didn’t turn her into a weak female character who needed saving every other chapter. We knew what her kryptonite was, but the story didn’t revolve around her sitting in self-pity and unpacking trauma like it was a full-time job. Her emotions felt real and relatable, but she still had strength.

Montana was also an interesting character because he wanted something better for himself, even though he couldn’t completely let go of the street life. He made mistakes, but not the kind that make you want to close the book and stare at the wall in frustration. His mistakes felt more like bad decisions made with good intentions. He was trying to shield people from consequences, thinking it would help in the long run, even when it clearly made things messier.

The supporting characters were just as interesting and seemed positioned for growth. Jackie, Syxe’s best friend, comes across loud and bold at first, but underneath all of that are some of the same insecurities everyone else is carrying. Her character shows how single moms often feel like they have to hide their vulnerabilities just to survive.

The next book in the series focuses on Jackie, and surprisingly, I’m actually looking forward to reading it. That says a lot, because I don’t always trust a series to keep my attention. But this one gave me just enough drama, growth, and romance to make me want to see what happens next.

I take pride in reading books by different authors. I enjoy a cute romance every now and then, but let’s be honest: most of them follow the same GPS route. Two people fall in love, break up over a misunderstanding that could have been solved with one honest conversation and a glass of water, then reunite just in time for their happily ever after.

Hot Single Dad by Claire Kingsley checks all of those boxes, but it also adds a few details that made the story a little unsettling for me.

Caleb is an ER doctor and a single father. After having issues with unreliable nannies, his in-laws—who apparently despise him but still want to help with childcare logistics—decide to send their younger daughter, Linnea, to care for his daughter, Charlotte.

Now let’s start with the obvious: Caleb’s love interest is his deceased wife’s sister. That alone made me pause. Then the book repeatedly points out that Linnea is only 22 and possibly too young to take on the responsibility of caring for a child. So now we have a widowed father, his much younger sister-in-law, and a child caught in the middle. I’m sorry, but my romance radar immediately started making a warning sound.

Age gaps in books already make me uncomfortable, especially when one character knew the other when they were growing up. How exactly do you fall in love with someone you watched become an adult? That feels less like romance and more like something that needs a family meeting and possibly a PowerPoint presentation.

Linnea also frustrated me. She was so afraid of her mother that she could barely ignore a phone call while being hundreds of miles away. Not answer the phone? Apparently impossible. Set a boundary? Absolutely not. And that made it hard for me to believe she was ready to step into any kind of parental role. If you cannot stand up to your mother, how are you going to help raise a child?

In the end, I could not celebrate the happy ending. The book had the usual romance formula, but the details around the relationship made the entire story feel more cringeworthy than heartwarming.

 A Twisted Faith by Gregg Olsen left me disappointed in more ways than I expected. I have often wondered how difficult it really is to brainwash people, but if this book is any indication, apparently the bar is somewhere near ankle level. I kept waiting for more background on the women involved because I needed to understand how so many people were pulled into this chaos. We know one woman went to college, and maybe she was the exception, but based on some of the decision-making in this book, I have to believe a few IEP meetings were missed along the way.

Sandy, in many ways, seemed to be the blueprint. Nick had given her so much spiritual Kool-Aid that she not only felt honored to be one of his exploits, but also privileged to know about the others. He promised her they would eventually be together, and she clung to that fantasy while he was busy building a full-blown harem with church lighting. Even worse, he used Sandy as a counselor of sorts for the other women he was manipulating. That is not romance. That is a pyramid scheme with scriptures.

To me, Sandy was not simply a victim. She was an accomplice. I believe she benefited from telling her version of the story first and securing immunity. Nick told her everything, and I have a hard time believing she did not know more than she admitted. I would not be surprised if she helped him plan Dawn’s death, or at the very least, knew enough to stop it and chose not to.

Dawn, his wife, was perhaps the saddest example of what it looks like when a woman slowly shrinks herself to survive a man. She seemed to become smaller and smaller in her own life while Nick took up all the space. He did not want her seen, heard, or centered. He kept her on the sidelines, and I believe she became his first prototype. Dawn was the woman who taught him just how much he could diminish someone and still keep control. Once he saw that he could do it to her, I think it became a challenge for him to see how far he could cast his net.

His real superpower was not charm, faith, or leadership. His real superpower was identifying broken women and knowing exactly how to exploit their wounds. He understood insecurity, loneliness, guilt, and spiritual confusion, and he used all of it like a toolbox. It felt like a game to him: how far could he go, how much could he get away with, and how many people could he convince to look the other way?

Annette was another frustrating part of the story. She wanted to be seen as a victim, but I struggled with that. She knew having an affair with him was wrong. I find it hard to believe that she truly believed God wanted her to cheat on her husband. At some point, she had to see herself deteriorating. If God had really been in it, the results would have looked very different. I think “God told me” became a convenient excuse so she would not have to face the truth about her own choices.

Nicole was equally difficult for me to understand. After everything that came out, she still married him. I cannot fully call her a victim in this situation either. Surely, she knew about the women who had come forward and the inappropriate behavior he had been accused of. I believe she knew enough to make a different choice, and yet she stayed. I sincerely hope she does not become another statistic after his prison release. I would also be very interested to know what her children think about all of this now that they are older. What is their relationship with him like? How do they process everything that happened?

One of the most disturbing parts of the book was how many people refused to believe what was painfully obvious. There were so many disappointing and complicit people circling this situation. Pastor Bob, in particular, was not as ignorant as he pretended to be. He was simply weak, and weak men do not belong in leadership. He managed to speak up briefly when it involved his daughter, but then went right back to cowering. Personally, I could not follow a man who cannot address obvious problems directly. If you cannot confront the mess in front of you, you have no business trying to lead a church.

Overall, this book was frustrating because it showed how manipulation, weak leadership, spiritual language, and willful ignorance can create the perfect storm. Nick may have been the central villain, but he was not operating in a vacuum. Too many people made excuses, looked away, or chose comfort over truth. By the end, I was not just disappointed in him. I was disappointed in almost everyone around him.

I'm sitting out on the porch this morning scrolling Instagram and I read this heading "Lousiana Pastor Shoots Wife in Front of Their Kids Before Turning Gun on Himself". My immediate reaction was wow, because there were so many different things that were wrong with that statement. I felt sorry that the kids had to witness that and I assumed that he and his wife were both deceased but they did survive, thankfully. I was upset because these broken people keep getting in these pulpits leading others astray. I was on an emotional pendulum. 

What floored me more than the article where the comments justifying his actions. They had theories from him being depressed to him probably finding out that the kids weren't his. The part that bothered me was the people saying that he shouldn't be arrested but instead, he needs help. I do agree that he needs help but I disagree with the notion that there should not be punishment. I don't think saying that I'm depressed gives me the right to start harming people. 

We have officially found ourselves in a place where people greatly believe that everything is acceptable and we should not have consequences. We are in the habit now of rewarding people for bad behavior and wondering why the world, specifically the US is a train wreck. 

We volunteered for VBS at our new church and I can't say that it is something that I will be doing again. Even in the church, instead of teaching children proper behavior, we are reinforcing the idea that having a meltdown means that we will give you a gift to pacify you. Later, we wonder why these entitled kids become entitled adults that shoot up everyone in a building because they heard no for the first time.  

I don't have an answer to save the world instantly but I do know that we need to bring back rules and boundaries. We can't blame mental health for everything, some of it just boils down to the fact that we have failed as parents and as a society. 

     I started a blog post on March 23rd with the same title "A Season of Change". However, looking back the only change at that time was the temperature. Now on October 28, 2022, there is truly a season of change. For the last six years, I've tried to have a relationship with my parents but that all came to a bitter end in the last two weeks. My life was so much better in the years when they weren't in it. 

    My mother and I have never really seen eye to eye. She is a bully and I've never been one to cower.  Everyone has danced to the beat of her drum but when I opted out to be one of her minions that is when the problem started. 

    Money management has never been something that was taught in our household. I didn't get to save a lot because you could rest assured when I was under her roof every time she knew it was a payday she needed money for something. The turning point was when I moved out and she still expected me to pay for my house and hers. Finally, I got to the point where I told her that I was not her husband and that I would not take care of her my entire life. This was the end of any normal mother-and-daughter relationship that we would ever have.

    In the beginning, my dad was guilty because he never stood up to her. His line was that he didn't have anything to do with it. However, I gave him multiple passes and for a while, I thought that literally, his only failure was not standing up to her. As time passed, I realized that he was the same person. His family would always blame my mother and would assert two things: (1)he loved me and (2) my mother had a root on him. Both of which were lies. He was simply better at hiding it. 

    Fast forward to the present day, in the last two weeks, I've been blamed for so much that I can't even laugh about it. I've been blamed for my mother getting put out of the hospital which was the patient's wish. I was blamed for an altercation at a funeral home where I wasn't even present and I've been blamed for helping the mother of a child that my dad had while married find him so that she could pursue child support. In the beginning,  it pissed me off because I'm tired of being the scapegoat but after thinking, it was just a reminder that there is no reason for them to be in life.

     Ten years from now, they will still be looking for the next way to scam someone out of money and blaming the world for all of their troubles. When they or no longer here or if I leave first, there is no need to list me in their obituaries or them in mine. My dad said it best last Monday, when people can't get along it's best that they part ways. I'm fine with that, I'm fine with the lies that they will spread but most of all I'm fine with the peace and the life that I have. 

Signed,

A Self Emancipated Daughter 

  

     I went into 2021 with blind optimism. Something within me thought that at the stroke of midnight on December 31, 2020 that all the issues, diseases, and aggravations of the year would dissipate. Boy, was I wrong on so many levels. By July, I was losing faith in people and the thought that life as I knew it would be over.  I wanted to live freely again.  Therefore, the sinking feeling that I felt a few weeks ago seemed well deserved. Nothing in 2020 had shown me that I should expect anything otherwise.

    During the month of December, I had this dreadful feeling that something was coming to an end. I couldn't shake the feeling. I even questioned God if it was my own demise because I literally could not pinpoint the cause of that nagging feeling. It literally left my dreading what would happen in 2022. 

    However, I woke up on Sunday with a feeling of hope. Not the same blind optimism of last year but a feeling that things would be better this year. We like to think that chapters end at the stroke of midnight but the seasons of my life don't correspond with a magic date on a calendar. There is nothing that will instantly erase the hell that we have endured for the last 2 years. 

    I could take negatively the fact that we have had 8 earthquakes since last Monday, the fact that we had to cancel Christmas due to Covid or the fact that Betty White died. 2021 took going out with a bang seriously.  However, I choose to believe that better is on the horizon. The winds blew really hard today, and with that wind blew my doubts, fears, and anxieties. 

    I now see this year as a year of growth and endless possibilities. I'm not going to make the usual resolution that I am going to lose weight, live life, or travel. I've accepted that the belly is going to be there, I've always lived, and if anything, I'm cutting down on the travel this year. I only made one resolution and that is free is no longer in my vocabulary and forgive me if I'm not as available as I've always been. I've given so many people so much and it's time that I invest some of that in me. I love you guys and I wish you the happiest of New Year's. 

  There is someone special to me that will be one year from 40 tomorrow and on top of that she is about to be a Grandma in a few months. I mean it's safe to say at this point that crap just got real. You not only have the responsibility of your kids but the responsibility of their kids. You blinked and now you have to buy more presents, go to events, buy extra cars, food and the list goes on. There is no denying that you are a REAL LIFE ADULT at this point. I mean when you just have your kids, you can still pretend that you are young but when you are a Grandma, that hits totally different. You can't party like you use too, you have to block the grandkids from your social media accounts, hide the alcohol, etc. You are to determine if you are going to tell your grandkids that your boyfriends are their uncles and how do you explain, if you decide to fire some of those uncles. What if they were really attached to Uncle Eddie? 

 I also hope that you dont become one of those overbearing grandparents that don't let their kids be great. I really would hate to stage an intervention but I will do what I have to do. That is my solemn promise. Anywho, I said all of this to say Happy Birthday!! (Dont block me ok!) :-)